I'm feeling Bleh today.

So I stayed up till about 3 in the morning last night, I just couldn't really sleep, but there was no point of being online anymore. Yeah I guess I should have prepared my self for rejection, I never know why, but it always happens. Don't think of me as someone who just trys to go out with every girl I see, because what matters to me is how they treat me, how they make me feel. You could be as beutiful as can be, but if you cross over the boundries to much, or are just not legaly retarded but you do some pretty retrarded things, yeah forget you.

I've been single for about 2 and a half years now, it was fun for a little while, after I got over the heartache, then Heather came back into play, yeah Mistake, "If they hurt you once they will hurt you again." Then after her Dez, turned out the peer presure of college was a little to much for her, guess some people just can't take it or say no. I just got angry at those two, for playing with me like they did, so they took little time to get over. Amanda, well she is great, but the distance, and the lack of seeing eachother and the fact that she really doesn't want to date now, well thats not really good for me. Then I met Denise, yeah it seemed really fun and she is really flirty with me, so I started to like her, something would always happen though on days I would ask her to go out though, sick, which she complains about that a lot, so no big deal, and the weather, both are reasonable excuses. But she likes some guy who lives far away and can't deal with a relationship now. 

Then I just think to myself. Will I ever have a steady relationship, or will I just have to adopt my kids in order to have them and live alone with my adopted kids and cats. Thats the way it is looking, reall depressed and don't want to go to any classes really, but I have to, I have to make myself go, because it is the only way I'll get better. I really don't care who reads this how they read it, or if they read it. really it was just to get it out.

Here is what I have to say, OhhKay!

Alright, you wanna know why life isn't fantasy, why this reality sucks so much. Because if this was just fantasy where good always wins it would be pretty boring. Honestly problems make us stronger, and well you deal and get over them. 

There is a guy I work with, who is pretty socially awkward, but I am still nice to him. I just don't like spending every second of my day with him. 

People are human beings, hey who would have thought that, people have feelings, well that's another no brainer, so if you really want to get to know someone, stop judging them honestly, be nice to them and ask them how their day was. 

If you know that one subject hurts someone, then hey don't dance around that subject when that person is in the room. 

Be nice to people and if they aren't nice to you keep being nice, because then when things really come out, you don't have to feel guilty knowing that you were mean to someone who has problems that brew underneath the surface, that and that person will prolly appreciate it a lot more.

Woke up with Yawn, It's Dawning.

Analogies make the world go round, but some analogies well they are just better left unsaid. Some times I think that I am still in high school, and that is when I remember how much I hated High School, because of the cliches and what not that was going on. The things people did and when they were labeled cool and not cool. Yeah call someone not cool, that's real nice. So here is a question, Who defines cool, what one person defines cool, because I can point out things that other people find wrong with that one person, that would make them uncool in their eyes. 

So the next time you decide something is uncool, just think of all the really stupid things that you do that well make you look about as cool as genocide.

It's 10 pm and I'll drink my juice from any cup I want.

Alright so it is 10, I am sitting here drinking my apple juice from a Wolverine bottle, yup I bought a kiddie drink just because of the comics, Wanna fight about it? 

Any ways my throat is killing me I have so much drainage going down the back of it that it is causing it to inflame. But any ways, tonight I discovered something, That if I fall back into something, I may never get out of it, so yeah never again, I am never doing it again. I don't want to fall in so deep that I can't see any light. There may not be struggle on the outside but on the inside it is so intense like part of me wants to and the other half doesn't well my resiliant side that doesn't want to has to win, and well i am the only person who can make it win.

Sending penguins in the mail? Is it a good idea or no? I am not sure and well I'll see within the next couple days, I think it could be a step to far ahead.

Carnegie Deli

Ok so after going and watching Brand New's song called Jesus, and watching peoples homemade movies on it, I discover that some people really are dumb, one guy who was definatly a black supremisis and said that the only thing white people were good for is killing. The others all get all up in arms and try to dis the bible and what not. I mean honestly what makes people like that? Where they stung in church as a child, or is it because of a up bringing that brought that around, I find it highly annoying, so I stopped reading them.

I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning but I did. I did, I went to math, and pretty soon I go to csc110, then gym, then back for either sleep or a shower, or both. Get some sleep in before spanish then I should be all ok. 

I am not feeling all that great today, but still I am going to go to class and suck it up. 

Not really feeling anything today. But oh well, the day will be over soon.