"Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory."

we still need a Jurassic park marathon...

going through each day, one day at a time. And knowing that one day that everything will get better.

you can't rush perfection

heyyyy ladddddy

every sunday I check to see if my post secret will be up. and every day I see if you tried to contact me...

Fall Out Boy - Sugar, We're Goin Down (Concept Version)

sometimes I just want that sign that says holding on will be worth it, that waiting will be worth it. I know it will... but a sign would be nice...

Changing the past is impossible. Mistakes were made. But now that I realize how wrong I was the only thing I can do is try to make.those mistakes into good things. To work those mistakes on a foundation of what not to do again. I still haven't given up hope. And I may never. But its hard to just sit and wait. My mind is my worse enemy.

No shave november is killing my face, can't wait till december 1st to shave it off.

I'm thankful for the perseverance to see the error of my ways and try to correct it, to have the ability to fight for just the chance to talk to someone again face to face.

i'm thankful for my family who loves me.

If truth be told, I like having to fight my way back in. It makes everything worth so much more. nothing should ever be easy.

honeybunchesmuffincake...

The fight getting there is half the battle, the other half is the fight with yourself telling yourself not to give up hope.

just trying to find my way.

I hate winter, my bloody noses always seem to be worse and more frequent.

It is never to late to try, and never wise to give up hope.

I'm searching and fighting not because I have to be, but because I want to be.

some days are just harder than others.

what is living if it is without hope.

I'm trying... I'm trying as hard as I can.

I can't do this all on my own. I'm no Superman.

punch buggy, no punch back.

remember that time in target you made me hold your purse and I just kind of wandered off. and then you yelled "Hey You!" from across the isle and a bunch of people looked at you, yeah that still makes me giggle.

you cannot change the past, you can only work on the future.

I just read on a blog that I randomly stumbled upon "Have you made someone smile today"
It makes me think of you, and my mom. Both are happy cheerful people.

Your cooking/baking

tracing my chest tattoo

"hey mister"

Giggling.

Fighting over the couch.

and "Kitty!"

I wish that I could have seen this all before. But if we weren't here now, I wouldn't have to fight for you. You are worth fighting for. What we had was worth fighting for. you as a best friend was worth fighting for. all of your quirks are worth fighting for.

I am just hoping that I have the strength to fight long enough, because I just want to be able to see you again.

there is always hope.

I want you to know, that if you ever need me, I will be there for you. Hopefully fast enough.

I know you know me, I know you remember all of the good times with the bad times.

I know you remember how good of friends we were and how I respected your privacy, I don't want you think I am trying to cause drama because I am not. Things got blown out of proportion.

I want you to remember something I told you though, remember your surroundings, because you never know when you might need to know how to get somewhere by yourself.

smelling gum

you were my best friend, a true love, and I just threw it away because I was scared... dealing with that everyday kills me inside day in and night out.

I don't know why I do this to myself but I work myself up so much... I just don't want you to go, I want us to have a fighting chance. I want to make things right. I miss holding you and cuddling with you.

my mind had always been my worse enemy, i over think things and get myself worked up for nothing. but it's hard not to think about the person you care about and how stupid you are for running away. yesterday was hard, but thank god my mom was there so I could come over and cry on her shoulder.

please don't go.

stupid

Ok so I got told that you moved, and in that single moment I was devastated, the last time I cried that hard was when my grandfather died. I'm sorry for the panic, but I still care so much and want to be with you.

You see this is why I kick myself

Two years ago I was to stupid to see that best girl was standing right in front of me, then I do see it but I don't realize that she isn't like every other girl I dated she was special. Because when I was down she would bring me up, when I was happy she was next to me, trying to enjoy the same things. And me I wish I had repaid her in kind, I wish that I was there for her more often then not. I wish I hadn't gotten so carried up in my own agenda to see she wasn't always happy like she should have been. Did I love her Yes, I still do. Why did I leave her, because I was stupid and got scared. I had everything I ever wanted right there in front of me and when I saw that prospect, I ran. Not a day goes by that I don't regret that day. Even after I got off the phone with you and take everything back... but I couldn't. Now I am stuck with the memories that haunt me day in and night out. With not even being able to talk to you because you don't want to hear from me or god knows see me. I'm sorry that I broke your heart I'm sorry that I pushed you away. But I miss you and still care so much for you... I wish you would see that I know that I still have to be there somewhere in your heart and in the back of your mind, whether you want me there or not.

I just pray that the things you said do come true, because I miss you more than the sunflower misses the sun. you'll all ways be my honeybunchesmuffincake and my heyyyy laddddy, and I always want to be your mister. I miss you christina so much.

One year later

"No matter what you do where the winds carry you. You will always be in my heart and on my mind. And I'll be right here waiting for you."

It's funny how it still hasn't changed one year later. I'm just trying to become the best I can be....but it's so hard.

funny

on my blog i just got an add for how to stop depression. heh if only it were that simple.

I just want to know that everything you said is still a factor, that one day we will realize how stupid we are and that we will put the past away and embrace what should have happened long ago. I want to know that I am still on your back burner waiting to be your perfect dish.

I guess i'm never going to be good enough again...