No matter what you do where the winds carry you. You will always be in my heart and on my mind. And I'll be right here waiting for you.

I'll be a brand new day

If it makes you less sad
I will die by your hand
I hope you find out what you want
I already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad
We'll start talking again
And you can tell me how vile
I already know that I am

I'll grow old
And start acting my age
I'll be a brand new day
In a life that you hate
A crown of gold
A heart that's harder than stone
And it hurts a whole lot
But it's missed when it's gone

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad you that can forgive
Only hoping as time goes
You can forget

If it makes you less sad
I'll move out of the state
You can keep to yourself
I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad
I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint
I will paint myself out
It's as cold as a tomb
And it's dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed
To pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits
Or get a grip
Say you wanted a solution
You just wanted to be missed

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes
You can forget
So you can forget
You can forget

You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white like the skin
Stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin
Standing trial for your sins
Holding onto yourself the best you can
You are the smell before the rain
You are the blood in my veins

Call me a safe bet
I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive
I'm only hoping as time goes
You can forget

Feeling very melancholy today, knowing that even though I send out the morning message that I wont get anything back... I don't have to try once, I have to try multiple times, well that is starting to get harder and harder. you know how I feel, but I guess you like watching people struggle and suffer through things.

yesterday I worked from 10-9, with no break, no food. WTF I asked for one multiple times, I'm like I haven't eaten today, I need food. but they just look at me like I'm retarded. I'm skinny I don't have a reserve of fat or food to eat away. Then you expect me to watch to sections on the floor, no look you need to listen to me if I am going to be working all day long, I know what I can do and what I can't do. So don't try to make me do something that is going to be a hell of a lot harder than things should be.

today I work 9-10 but I get a break, I am just kind of disgusted with the lack of management or care.

I dunno I guess I miss you.. I guess I want everything to be happening instead of sitting and waiting and thinking... my mind wanders to much and in horrible places.. and I thought you knew that.

Thank you blogger mobile for being dumb. It said take picture and start blogging so I did so. But all the posts with pictures won't come up. Anyways day off, nothing to do... Like normal.

I just love my little fluffy little kitty. I got her for my 10th birthday, and I've got to say she is one of the best presents ever. She bugs me sometimes because she gets right in my face when I don't want her to be there. But she is always there when I'm hurting and need a friend. I really wish that I knew what she was saying when she meows at me. I do love it when she rolls over and acts all cute. I just wish that she wouldn't try to run outside. It would be really really hard if she got hit by a car or attacked by a wild animal again.

When it is all said and done everything will be fine. I gotta just keep going through this by myself till then.

Fighting my demons all day long. I have to talk myself down from my rages and the hurt that is running through my veins. I just keep counting to 10 waiting for all this to end.

I have no idea how this works but blogger made it so I can now do mobile blogging through text messages. Which I find rather handy.

what to do on the day off

Today is my day off and I think I really need it. So I started off my little one day weekend a little early on monday night with my normal monday night bowling league. John gave me his old double bowling ball bag so now I can carry my Roto Outlaw bowling ball. The only bad thing about using that ball is the finish on it is really dull and it soaks up so much oil that it doesn't always comes back lol. But it hooks into the pocket amazingly. I just got sick of waiting for it to come back or having to wait for the other person to throw their ball so it would get knocked back, So I switched back to my storm.

All the while my phone was dead so I couldn't even talk to anyone if I wanted to, so my little good luck distraction that loves to think she will some day be able to beat me at bowling wasn't at hand :(

Today I woke up got myself a bowl of cereal, which is surprising for me since I really don't eat breakfast, then I started some fable 2, I just want the stupid achievements, vanity points is what the 360 is all about.

Around noon a package got put in our door, the only reason I know that is because my cats spazzed out and growled and hissed and whent all kinds of crazy. But the package was a special limited edition yugioh game mat, that I apparently earned for being in the top 1000 or the world so something like that. So I guess kudos to me, now just to get rid of it since I don't play anymore lol.

I've set some goals for myself in the means of distracting myself till I can sit down and get to business.

1. Watch all 9 seasons of Smallville
2. Beat Halo Reach on legandary
3. Watch all seasons of Supernatural
4. Beat Fable 3
5. Mod a xbox 360 with Ryan
6. Get back into a workout schedule
7. Complete my Nano (hopefully i'll be down to business by then)

Week 2 of being in a happy and just great mood and I have to say I love it. Yeah my impatiens kills it a little but other than that I'm pretty happy most of the time now.

What else is there to do on a day you work 10-10

I decided to pick up a shift 10-3 on cook, just so I would have more money since I need to start saving it and prepping for the road ahead of me. It was dead, so dead that I think I only did 14 meals all day. So now I am stuck here at work till 10 tonight with a 2 hour break. So what else is there to do but blog, and think about everything that is going on.

It takes work it takes time, and I am impatient, but it alllll will be worth it in the end. What doesn't kill you will simply make you stronger, and now that I finally see that light at the end of the tunnel I am not just stumbling, I am running for the light, I don't plan on slowing down so when I get out into the light I will prolly just fall right into whatever it is.

If my head tells me to go for it, my heart is telling me to go for it, and so are my family and friends, then I am very much knowing that I should go for this.

It's just the impatient thing and wanting things done now because I want to get started. thats a definite "blah blah bliggidy blahhh"

Feeling very alive

Ever since Sunday my resolve and determination have gone way past cloud 9. Everything I'm doing and trying to do is to become a better person for myself and for you.

I've finally talked mom into Internet. So that means xbox live and more posting. Also better source for nano. Hopefully I get it before fable 3 drops.

Well nothing else is really new except that I'm in one of the best moods of my life.

Until the stars fall out of the sky

Brad and I went to Oktoberfest last night, It was soooo cold and windy, I forgot to bring my jacket because I left it at work so I almost froze. But I had some kraut chowder to warm me up. The only thing bad about the chowder was the sausage, it tasted like black liquorish, not a fan.

I finally finished Amazing Spider-Man: Until the Stars turn cold. I've got to say that the part that gripped me the most was on the last two pages. I tried searching for scans of them but no such luck.

I just turned on my yahoo music video player which I haven't used in so long, and I don't know half of the bands they tried playing for me.

The days are getting colder and colder, and every day I'm fighting off the demons and bad thoughts that always pollute my mind. Things get tough but I have to work through them, I just keep walking to the end of the tunnel rather than turning around and abandoning hopes and dreams. Because If I have to I'll walk and wait until the Stars Turn cold and Fall out of the sky.