stupid

Ok so I got told that you moved, and in that single moment I was devastated, the last time I cried that hard was when my grandfather died. I'm sorry for the panic, but I still care so much and want to be with you.

You see this is why I kick myself

Two years ago I was to stupid to see that best girl was standing right in front of me, then I do see it but I don't realize that she isn't like every other girl I dated she was special. Because when I was down she would bring me up, when I was happy she was next to me, trying to enjoy the same things. And me I wish I had repaid her in kind, I wish that I was there for her more often then not. I wish I hadn't gotten so carried up in my own agenda to see she wasn't always happy like she should have been. Did I love her Yes, I still do. Why did I leave her, because I was stupid and got scared. I had everything I ever wanted right there in front of me and when I saw that prospect, I ran. Not a day goes by that I don't regret that day. Even after I got off the phone with you and take everything back... but I couldn't. Now I am stuck with the memories that haunt me day in and night out. With not even being able to talk to you because you don't want to hear from me or god knows see me. I'm sorry that I broke your heart I'm sorry that I pushed you away. But I miss you and still care so much for you... I wish you would see that I know that I still have to be there somewhere in your heart and in the back of your mind, whether you want me there or not.

I just pray that the things you said do come true, because I miss you more than the sunflower misses the sun. you'll all ways be my honeybunchesmuffincake and my heyyyy laddddy, and I always want to be your mister. I miss you christina so much.

One year later

"No matter what you do where the winds carry you. You will always be in my heart and on my mind. And I'll be right here waiting for you."

It's funny how it still hasn't changed one year later. I'm just trying to become the best I can be....but it's so hard.

funny

on my blog i just got an add for how to stop depression. heh if only it were that simple.

I just want to know that everything you said is still a factor, that one day we will realize how stupid we are and that we will put the past away and embrace what should have happened long ago. I want to know that I am still on your back burner waiting to be your perfect dish.

I guess i'm never going to be good enough again...

I've never felt so hollow

I've been feeling like everything is a front lately. I feel like I will l will never move on and find happiness. i feel like I am just one big screw up who ran away from his one chance.

when you know you know, well I knew once and I should have done something about it. Then maybe I wouldn't have these haunting dreams or this sinking feeling when I think about you.

years have gone by but I still miss you, care about you, and have a place in my heart for you. I've done lots of things to try to contact you and I guess you just don't want to be found...but maybe one day you will see my post secret.